Twitter Questions for the Prez

This was sent to me and I thought it very funny. My daughter and I were busting a gut.

Questions, So Many Questions - Iowa Hawk

President Obama graciously offered to take questions submitted via Twitter today, courtesy the #AskObama hashtag. Being an inquisitive sort, I decided to submit a few that have been nagging me. Although he declined to answer any, I thought I'd warehouse them here in case he ever gets around to them:

An $8 billion high speed train leaves Chicago for Iowa City at 8:15am at 40mph. Why?

If shovel-ready projects create jobs, wouldn't spoon-ready projects create even more jobs?

How come you haven't made unemployment illegal?   duh

Instead of making cars get 62 mpg, why not 62 million mpg? Also, do something about the gravitational constant.

Don't you just hate going through those TSA lines? And hey, what about that airline food?

I let my Mexican drug lord license expire. Am I still eligible for the free machine gun program?

When you're visiting his volcano lair, does George Soros let you feed the laser sharks?

The staffer who suggested this Twitter Town Hall is fired, isn't he?

Are you smart enough to create a problem so big that even you could not solve it?

Why isn't your cabinet unionized?

If Joe Biden has a massive stroke, (a) do you have a replacement in mind, and (b) how would you tell?

Is there any job you'd be better at than president?

If you ever had a yard sale, how much would you ask for those styrofoam Greek columns?

When you said "days not weeks" did you mean Venusian days?

I understand that you quit smoking. Do they make a patch for spending addicts too?

Is this question racist?

Why do you need permission to be clear, and not need permission to bomb Libya?

Are you in favor of gay marriage for Libyan bombing crews on Boeing planes made in South Carolina?

Would you get tougher with Iran if you knew they were working with Scott Walker?

On behalf of the entire US population: dude, WTF?

Let's say instead of winning the future, we end up in a tie. Do we then go to sudden death overtime?

When your economic advisors hold policy meetings, do they stuff a towel at the bottom of the door?

If we reneg on the debt, where's the best place to hide our stuff from the repo men?

I just voted to increase my sobriety ceiling. Why won't the bartender give me another drink?

I really need to start living within my means. Do you recommend I start holding up banks or convenience stores?

Whose spending created your job?

When you create jobs, why do always create them for Texas?

Are strawmen cheaper when you buy them by the gross?

How much CO2 is created by a burning straw man?

Who are these "those who say"?

This whole Twitter Town Hall thing is turning out to be another amateur disaster, isn't it?

Is this a Town Hall or a Potemkin Village Hall?

If Eric Holder gets indicted in Operation Fast & Furious, should he get a civilian trial?

If we eat the rich, what do we get for dessert?

if punishing employers results in more employment, can you also punish beer makers?

Psst... got any spare tix for the 2016 Chicago Olympics?

Since you've doubled the number of wars, shouldn't you be getting another Nobel Peace Prize?

How much do I owe you for all the material?